#me thinks he should work at least three times that

[alchemistc]

The voice echoes. He's coming in and out of it, desperate to open his eyes, desperate to make sure he can actually feel all his fingers and toes, but it's hard.

He knows that voice though. He knows he does.

The building hadn't been as stable as they thought it was. Probably in the investigation later on they'll discover building codes not up to standard, faulty evacuation plans. He got the kid out, though. He knows he got the kid out.

Eddie too, he's pretty sure.

".. uck!" The voice yells. It's kind of funny, he thinks to himself, as he can feel the strings of consciousness slipping, how much his name sounds like a curse when you're having a hard time keeping things straight. And then everything fades to black.

---

---

"Buck, please. Just wake up."

He wants to, is the thing. It's not like he's not trying, he wants to tell the voice, wants to be a little petulant about it too. That feels like the right attitude to have, for some reason.

It's hard to breathe. Might be something has him pinned. He'd seen beams falling, he's pretty sure.

"Goddamnit!" the voice yells, and Buck strains to remember. "I can't move this fucking thing unless you're able to get out from under it on your own, so wake the hell up. C'mon. Give me something to work with."

Buck wiggles a toe. Fucking ow.

Fingers, next, and that - that's a whole new ballgame of pain, but holy shit he can feel it all. Jesus Christ it hurts.

"For fucks sake, Evan, I'll take anything, at this point. Please."

Buck's lips suddenly feel a lot less numb. He does know that voice.

Hasn't heard it in three weeks, except for on the voicemail he'd left three months ago complaining about downtown parking for the hundredth time and letting Buck know he was gonna circle the block again, but -

"T- Tommy?"

Buck blinks his eyes open just in time to see Tommy drop to his knees near Buck's head, a relief filled sob echoing around the space. Buck takes the opportunity to stare.

"Hey," Tommy says, breathless, the corners of his eyes wet, his turnouts fully covered in dusty debris. It's an achingly familiar sight, even if he's significantly less sooty than the last time.

"You swear a lot more on the job," Buck notes, and Tommy bites out a desperate laugh, slipping a hand from a glove to reach for Buck's cheek.

"How are you feeling?" Tommy asks, and Buck crinkles his nose, widens his eyes. He laughs again, and Buck - God Buck has missed this but he's still having trouble taking in a full breath and - Tommy pulls a hand away from Buck's neck. "Your pulse is steady. Elevated, but you should be - can you wiggle fingers and toes?'

"Hurts like hell, but yeah."

"Well. A building just fell on you. So that tracks."

Buck takes stock of himself, even though he feels goddamn miserable taking his eyes away from Tommy.

Sure enough, there's a beam barred low across his chest. Definitely at least bruised ribs, if not broken ones. He can't see much over it, but it feels like he's got full, painful movement in his legs. "Tommy, I think my halligan's pinned with me."

He snorts. There's nothing funny about this, but Buck finds himself snorting back, the two of them bouncing off each other until Buck eventually winces at the pressure and Tommy gets himself under control. He's fully crying now, wet fat tears streaked through the dust on his face. "Thank fuck I am also a firefighter," Tommy says, and Buck prepares himself for the moment Tommy gets the tool under the beam at the right angle to lift. "How's your pain?" Tommy asks, when he's situated.

"On a scale from ladder pinning my ankle to lightning strike?"

Tommy scowls.

"I'll be able to move if you make room. If that's what you're asking."

Tommy eyes the space. The beam. The settling dust and the only real angle he's got with enough leverage to make space for Buck to slide himself free. He won't be able to help Buck pull himself out. "The moment you have an inch you move backward as fast as you can. There's at least two yards of clearance behind you, and I'm not dropping this thing on your fucking head by accident."

Buck nods.

Tommy grabs his chin. "Verbal confirmation, Evan," he demands, suddenly so serious Buck has to swallow back a bratty retort.

"One inch, pull myself backwards."

Tommy nods. Situates his hands. "Good." And then before Buck can brace for the pain he's lifting the beam.

It's fast. So fast Buck doesn't have time to scream, or listen to the signals from his brain telling him he's fucking dying. Tommy lifts, Buck scrambles, and he has just enough room to clear his legs before rubble shifts to their left and Tommy's dropping the halligan to roll his entire body over Buck's.

A few broken pieces of concrete roll to a stop before they reach the two of them, and Buck beams up at Tommy. "Little bit of an overreaction, don't you think?"

Tommy settles his weight. Tips his chin so that he can see Buck beyond his visor. "I feel like maybe you aren't taking this as seriously as you should."

Buck shoves a shoulder against Tommy's weight, and he rolls right off, lays side to side with Buck while they both catch their breath. It's such a fucking familiar position that Buck fails to stifle a laugh.

"What are you doing here?" he asks, when he's calmed down enough that Tommy has stopped asking him concussion protocol questions.

Tommy sighs. Turns to his side, and Buck knows this position, too. They never did it in turnouts, though. "They grounded us an hour before the collapse."

"I heard," Buck presses. "I also heard the 217 was working fire suppression on the perimeter."

Tommy looks guilty. He rolls his neck, reaches out under the guise of checking Buck's pulse again.

Buck doesn't stop him.

"Yeah I might be fired," he says, and then shrugs a shoulder. "They called for full evac and when Eddie came out with that kid but you didn't -."

Buck feels a little breathless again. He almost asks Tommy how much he's got in his tank - Bucks's ran out a while ago. But they seem - pretty firmly trapped. Buck can't see an exit point, and he's almost positive there's not enough room for both of them to stand at the same time. They'll need that oxygen. "You came after me?"

Tommy sighs. Seems satisfied that Buck's heart is still doing what it's supposed to, and that he's not leaking internally. When he shifts his hand, it's not away - callused hands catch the underside of Buck's chin, fingers curl over his cheek. "I'd tell you not to read into it, but..."

Buck's breath catches. He holds it. There's - he has no idea how much air they have. They don't have time (or enough air, maybe) for Buck to lean up and kiss him. "Tommy."

"We'll talk about it when we're both safely out of here and bundled in our shiny blankets. If the 118 doesn't kill me first."

"What...?" Buck doesn't know what that means. They did everything they could to convince him not to reach out but they also weren't, like, calling for his head. He wants to know what it means. Tommy's brow goes up.

He shifts to his knees, holds out a hand. "Help me look around. See if we can find an air pocket."

He helps Buck to a kneel of his own like it's nothing, and despite the creaks and groans and the sting of sore muscles, Buck doesn't think there's anything permanently damaged. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It'll keep, Evan."

More than anything, Buck wants to call him out on that. The implication that Tommy knows more about the 118's current feelings on Tommy than Buck does. His name, suddenly back in play like Tommy hadn't used the lack of it to dig the knife in.

Buck shifts his weight and checks for his flashlight. Aims up, first, as high as the beam of light will go. There's really not much room in this little pocket of space.

He can hear Tommy shifting on his knees behind him. They need to be smart. Conserve air, conserve energy. Buck had been near a sidewall when the building came down, but who knows how long it'll take for the building to be stable enough to attempt a rescue. Maybe they're still gonna die in here, after all.

God, he doesn't want Tommy to die.

"Back to Evan, I noticed," Buck comments, doing a terrible job of not sounding eager, and he can hear the heaving breath Tommy takes, the way the shift of his body just pauses.

"The thing is, the moment I realized I might not have any more time, all I wanted was another five minutes. Just to hear you breathe. See your face. You wouldn't even have to know I'd done it, just -." He sucks a breath in through his nose. "I just realized the pain is still worth it."

That spurs Buck into action, because - because they're not gonna die - not here, not now, not for as many years as Buck can squeeze out of this life. He shifts. He pokes. He checks for light beyond the pockets between rubble. He takes even, measured breaths around the rapidly tightening muscles around his ribs and the moment he feels a draft he almost cries.

"Tommy!"

He turns to catch his eye, thrilled, ready to drag him over and -

"Tommy?"

He's slumped on his side. And - and god damnit, Buck is so fucking stupid, he should have checked Tommy too, should have known if he was hurt he'd hide it like the massive asshole he is.

There's nothing obvious until Buck pulls at his turnouts, and then he has to hold in a scream so he doesn't bring the rest of the place down on them.

---

---

The paramedics don't fight him when he shoves his way into the ambulance behind them. No one does, not as he's shoving Hen and Chim away from him while they desperately try to check his vitals, not when Eddie takes one look at the rebar sticking through Tommy's side and his face goes fucking white.

He crashes twice on the way to the hospital.

---

---

Buck comes to slowly, and is immediately pissed, because he's in a fucking hospital bed.

Eddie leans over him when he sits up. "Take a second, man."

"Did you drug me?"

The eyebrow raise is a little condescending. "You passed the fuck out in the middle of the waiting room when they told us Tommy's surgery went well."

Well that's - that's - oh God, Tommy's okay. He remembers now. Tommy pulled through. Tommy was out of surgery and they were setting him up in a room and it'd be a while before he woke up but he was -

"I wanna see him."

Eddie chuckles, and Buck seriously considers throwing something at him, but before he can find something to toss Eddie's leaning sideways in his seat to pull the curtain divider away. "Even the nurses were taking bets that you'd kill a man if they put you in separate rooms."

He'll have to thank Gina later.

Tommy's still asleep. In repose, he breathes deep and even, eyes fluttering behind his lids, and Buck remembers what an active fucking sleeper he is, how much it had infuriated him that Tommy could never remember his dreams. God.

He's bruised around the eyes, there's a clean shave on the side of his head where he'd taken falling rubble in his mad dash past the kid Buck had sent ahead of him. The hospital gown looks so stupid on him.

Buck glares when Eddie tries to wrangle him back under his thin blanket - swings his legs over the side and tries not to wince when he puts his weight down and feels exactly how fucked up his ribs are. The bindings are tight. He's gonna need help rewrapping them.

"Tommy said something about you guys wanting to kill him. Know anything about that?"

It's a little accusatory. A lot, actually. Eddie sighs. "He tried to bring your shit by the station a week later when he knew you were off shift. Chim and Hen weren't, uh ... particularly nice about it."

Buck blinks. He still hasn't gotten any of that back.

"So he just ...took it back? Didn't leave it behind?"

"Oh he took about fifteen minutes of having his head bit off and then grabbed the box and shoved it back in his bed before he left."

Despite how absolutely ridiculous that all sounds, it makes something sizzle under his skin. If it was all just adrenaline, all just heat of the moment panic, Tommy would have left that box anyway.

They know so much and still so little about each other.

He's pretty sure he might actually get the chance to know more now. Even if he has to pry it from Tommy piece by piece for another decade or five.

Buck shoves that thought right down and gives himself the next two days to think about.

"And what'd you do, while they were berating him?"

"Oh, I threw like three loaves of bread in there with your stuff while he wasn't looking."

"You gave him my moping bread?"

"Two of the sourdoughs and an Irish soda bread."

"What if he didn't open the box back up?"

Eddie shrugs. "I hedged my bets. Either he opened that box back up to do his own moping or eventually there'd be some moldy ass bread in there."

"I hate raisins, by the way," comes the croaky voice to Buck's left, and Buck doesn't hesitate to wheel his saline bag the extra foot to reach the bedside. Buck knows that already. He'd made the soda bread out of spite, at three in the morning when he realized the second pillow still smelled like Tommy's shampoo and he'd remembered the almost-argument they'd had about wet hair on the pillows.

Tommy's hand meets Buck's halfway, and his smile is tired and magnificent.

Eddie smirks. "So you opened the box, then."

Tommy doesn't look away from Buck. His fingers squeeze. "I opened the box."

"Eddie, I need you to go distract Gina for like, three and a half minutes."

"...I know I'm going to regret asking," Eddie says.

"Tommy's hooked up to a bunch of monitors that are gonna make some extra noise in a second here, and they've already seen us making out in this hospital, they don't need to be alerted to another free show."

Eddie's out of his seat immediately, and halfway out the door when he turns back. "Just so we're all on the same page, this is not me encouraging this. You two are just walking talking piles of trauma and you can't just kiss about it and suddenly everything is fine."

Buck can taste the bitchy comment on the tip of Tommy's tongue. He squeezes Tommy's fingers and counts himself lucky when all Tommy does is make a dismissive noise in the back of his throat.

It's not like Eddie's wrong.

The door clicks shut behind him.

---

---

Tommy sets aside a third jello cup and stares at the cards in his hand. He glances through his lashes as he sets two cards down on the pile. "Two sevens."

"Bullshit."

His eyes gleam with challenge as he flips them both over and Buck has to take another loss. He doesn't care, is the thing. He'll happily lose at cards to Tommy for the next -

Six months is a reasonable length of time, probably. They've hit that mark once before.

Tommy shifts his weight, grimaces, and Buck is on his feet in a heartbeat. "You need another pillow? Change the angle of the bed?"

He laughs, soft and warm, rolls his eyes. "That joke I made about you guys needing your own ward? You may not have it named after you, but it's practically the Ritz around here. All the nurses have come by like six times just to see if I needed my pillow fluffed. I'm good, Evan." Buck settles back into his seat. "I just have a hole the size of a boba straw in my side."

"It was significantly wider than a boba straw."

"Could still suck a tapioca pearl through it," Tommy reminds him, almost petulantly. It's been a treat discovering that Tommy can throw it back almost as well as Buck when he's ornery about being bedridden for a full two days.

Buck finishes rearranging his cards. Grabs three random ones and sets them atop the pile. "Three eights."

Tommy stares at his cards. Glances up at Buck. Turns his gaze to his cards one more time.

"One nine," he declares, and Buck doesn't even complain that he'd fully let him off the hook there.

---

---

Tommy is actually the worst patient in the world. They have to have Eddie over to wrap Buck's ribs for at least a week, and Tommy refused to take any pain meds home with him, and every morning when Buck fusses with the dressings on Tommy's side Tommy stares in the mirror and complains that the scar isn't even symmetrical to the one on his ribs. Buck spends twenty minutes reminding him he'd have a punctured lung, if that was the case, and that seems to shut him up for a little while, at least.

"Hey," Tommy says, on day eleven, when Buck leans over him on the sofa to say goodbye and head back to the loft. Tommy's fine, really. He needs rest and leaving for the night isn't going to kill either one of them. Still, he tugs at Buck's belt loops until Buck allows a knee to bend and press into the cushion beside him. "This is not me asking you to move in with me."

"What -?"

Tommy presses something into his hand. It's warm, like Tommy's been smoothing it in his palm for a while, grooved along the edge facing Buck's fingers. "Yet," he says, softer than before, watching Buck palm it with a smile that Buck is beginning to fully understand the implications of.

It's a key.

Buck blinks. The years stretch ahead of him. Grumpy grizzled Tommy bitching about the towel rack having too many wet towels on it. Silver fox Tommy grinning over some flirty kids head at Buck as he tries to make it back to the booth they got to the bar early to camp at. Tommy, tomorrow, fondly annoyed when Buck confesses he can't watch another true crime documentary or it'll actually kill him.

"I love you," Buck blurts, and feels like crying when Tommy tugs him close for a kiss.

[kitchenisking]

November Fic Rec

Don't Be Cocky by Spindiver - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 14,570, sterek)

For reasons, Derek wants to get a Prince Albert piercing. The only shop in town belongs to Stiles Stilinski. Who knew that Derek's life of lonely isolation was about to get a proper shake-up?

“Hey”, he says, in greeting, “what can I help you with, this morning?”

Given the man’s size and somewhat surly demeanour, Stiles is not expecting the voice of the giant to be so measured and polite.

“My name’s Derek Hale, I have an appointment booked for 11 o’clock.”

“Right”, says Stiles, coming out from behind the counter, he gestures towards his workspace, one of three rooms off the lobby of the shop.

“Come on through, my name’s Stiles, I run this place. I have to confess, the appointment book didn’t say what you were after.” He raises an eyebrow at the man, now sitting gingerly on the padded worktable in the middle of the room. He’s starting to look ever so slightly uncomfortable.

“Oh, I um…I’m looking to get a Prince Albert”, he mumbles

In from the Cold by frek, sova  - (Rating: T, Words: 1,279, sterek)

He's soaked to the bone and there are things he wants to say.

breakfast in bed by Winchesterek - (Rating: G, Words: 846, sterek)

Stiles stretched in bed, sighing softly as his muscles relaxed and his bones cracked like an ancient mummy moving for the first time in centuries.

He smiled as he smelled the delicious scent of bacon wafting in from the kitchen, hearing the constant chatter of Elijah talking away about nothing and everything at the same time, Derek’s soft tones assuring their son that he was listening when Elijah asked if he was paying attention.

breakfast in bed by Winchesterek - (Rating: G, Words: 2,119, sterek)

…the one where Derek confessed his feelings for Stiles.

The Happiest of All by Hedwig221b - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 32,580, sterek)

“It’s every wolf’s dream. To find a perfect mate, to procreate. It’s a necessity, it’s healthy. It’s in our blood; akin to the moon in the sky, a wolf belongs to their mate. And humans don’t have the capacity to become a mate.”

“But I love him,” Stiles whispered, begged.

Talia stayed silent for a couple of minutes.

“That’s why you should understand it’s not healthy for him to be with you,” her words were simple and clear, like a piece of glass, but sharp all the same. “He will not find true happiness with you. You’re wasting his time. Preventing him from having a future he deserves.”

You're My Sanctuary by lilmissdaydreamer - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 33,467, sterek)

The Argent Wolf Sanctuary. It’s been Stiles’ dream since he was five years old to work with the wolves, ever since his mother took him up there to see the magnificent creatures on one of their ‘full moon runs’ that the Sanctuary does once a month. The wolves are beautiful and much larger than Stiles would’ve thought, or at least, the newest wolf is. The owner had said he’s a special breed. 

Stiles just didn’t realize quite how special he is.

Keep You Tonight by TheRomantics - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 2,469, sterek)

“I don’t think you really want me to get off of you.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Because you’re holding onto me, dumbass.”

-

Derek needs to go to work, but it’s hard to do with a grumpy little human in his lap.

No Brainer by youtwomakeagoodpair - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 12,641, sterek)

So it just is a no fucking brainer, of course this thing where Derek hides out in his room will lead to… embarrassing revelations about Stiles. Cause Derek is a snoopy snooper. Or maybe Stiles just made him try on shirts in front of Danny and didn’t think about the things he was hiding in his clothes drawers. Like the bottom drawer, and it’s lacy and silky contents. Which Derek fucking Hale was bound to see when looking through Stiles’ clothing. And Stiles being the scatterbrain he is, did not think about it in the moment. When Derek is out of his room later and Stiles goes over to clean up the clothes, he sees the lingerie drawer fully open and a pair of pink lacy panties lying on top of it all.

Choice by lizlybear - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 2,931, sterek)

Derek makes a choice, Stiles doesn't agree.

The One That Got Away by alikatastic - (Rating: T, Words: 9,261, sterek)

Derek didn’t get the memo about kids purposely doing things to spite their parents. The first time Eli put on a plaid shirt over a graphic tee and Derek got a constipated look on his face and tried to convince him to choose a different shirt, Eli went out and bought a heap more and exclusively wore plaid from then on. Every time Derek told him a story from his past and Eli remarked on how Stiles was “badass” and “the main hero”, Derek tried to emphasize how annoying Stiles actually was and to NOT pull any stunts like that, Eli started getting in trouble at school for pulling stunts just like them. Derek tried really hard not to overreact the first time Eli stole the jeep but… his son was wearing plaid, saying ‘dude’ and recklessly driving the goddamn jeep, for gods sake! Derek did NOT need all these reminders of “the one that got away��.

[orangeocelotmartyn]

Ren: Why do you have such low life, False? Joe: (mocking) You're such a low life. False: (smacks Ren) They had to nerf me somehow Ren. Ren: You should at least have three hundred life, the Grand Ar-Architect. False: Oh for sure. I-I agree. Ren: I demand a buff! I demand a buff! False: I agree! Where's my rare card? Joe: Mhm. Ren: I wanna make a Renbob / Grand Architect lips deck. False: No, for real though, I do want--(hearing Ren) no. That's not allowed. That-um, you're banned. (Ren laughs) You have, you have to go by me-- Ren: (at the same time as False) Why not, dude? False: --depending, like, how you use my cards in a deck. Ren: That's a--that sounds like a, that sounds like a good mix! False: N-no. Ren: (laughs) Joe agrees, right Joe? False: Joe, we need a new rule, we can ban people from using our cards. (False laughs) Joe: Oh boy. I-y-I-I oof. I'm trying to figure out how you would write that. False: No, for real though, I want to build a deck with the...with the rare one. I need-I need that potion of amnesia, I wanna work round that, that'd be, that'd be fun Joe: Yeah. Well, I think, you know, if you (Ren laughs) went out and found a place to build a map platform-- False: (abruptly) How do I deafen Ren? Is there a way to do this? Wait, wait I can, wait-- Joe: Press 'V,' and then go to amplification volumes-- Ren: Guys, this is what happens when I don't eat. False: Amplification--muted. Oh, that's beautiful. Oh I can see that little thing go off up there, but he's also not saying anything, this is great. Joe: Nice.

[bteezxyewriter12]

Desperation

Pairing- Wooyoung x Named Reader

Word count- 4k

Includes- Wooyoung is horny and desperate, pussy eating, cum eating, cock warming, cock riding, missionary, multiple orgasms, so much fluff

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxminnie @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa

@yeosxxx @seokwoosmole @jjongsbebe @wisejudgedragonhairdo @meowmeowminnie @woo-stars @borntowalkaway @usagionthered @san-realblkwife @seonghwasstar @jejeyeppeo @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi @prayerofthehaim @realisticnotes @insomniacatiny @stephy-nicole13 @mknae-jongho @bykeynote @amyz78 @blueie-things

Masterlists- check out for more fics

📝Masterlists 📝ATEEZ Masterlist 📝Wooyoung Masterlist

J POV

"Please Jo, please", Wooyoung begs, looking at me with desperation, "Please can I have your cunt wrapped around my cock?"

Ok what the fuck?

This is so not what I was expecting when I came over to hang out

"Are you on crack?", I ask, genuinely confused

He's never expressed a desire to have sex with me

Ever

He's never even expressed any attraction to me so what the fuck is this?

"No I just....I can't cum", he whines, "I haven't been able to cum in like three months"

I raise my eyebrow, not believing him at all

He has many fuck buddies he can use

Staff members willingly open their legs for him at the drop of a hat

"You're telling me you haven't fucked anyone is three months?", I scoff

"I...I did but I wasn't able to cum", he tells me, "I don't know why. I stopped fucking other girls three months ago and just jerked off instead but it didn't work either"

"You've been jerking off your whole life, what do you mean it's not working?", I ask in disbelief, "You forgot how to move your hand?"

"It's not working!", he cries, his body shaking, "Please, I'm so hard, I'm so horny all the time. I need some relief. I'm going insane"

I just raise my eyebrows at how desperate he sounds

Like he's about to lose it

"Let me see", I say, not knowing what the fuck I'm doing or why

He nods, standing up from his bed and pulling his sweatpants and boxers down

I look down at his cock and gape

I had no idea he was that big

Or that thick

And I can see what he means when he's saying he's desperate

His cock is so hard, straining, his head red and leaking so much cum, it's just crying from his slit

I don't think I've ever seen a cock that hard before

"Please help me", he whimpers

"What am I supposed to do Woo?", I ask

"Just help me"

I hesitate, "A hand job?"

He shakes his head, "I need to be in a pussy. Your pussy"

I mean it's not as if I don't want that

It's not as if I haven't dreamed of this from the moment I fell in love with him

But this...this isn't him wanting me

This is him wanting to get off because he hasn't had a fuck partner in three months

This is him being desperate to cum and I'm the only one available

"Wooyoung-", I start, not sure I should do this

A hand job is one thing, hell even a blow job is one thing but actual sex....

"Please Jo", he begs, "I'll make you cum too. I'll eat your pussy first"

I raise my eyebrow

Yeah ok that's something I've been dying to see

Him between my legs

But still, this isn't a good idea

This will just make me want him more and I can't have him

"I don't know...", I hesitate

"You don't have to fuck me", he says, distress in his voice, "You...you could just cock warm me. I just...I need to feel a pussy around me"

"So call one of your girls to come over"

He shakes his head, "No. I need your pussy"

Mine?

What the hell does that mean?

"It didn't work with anyone else. I just...I want yours. See if it helps"

Well that's not romantic at all

But at least he's being up front about what he wants

"Please Jo? Please?"

"Yeah fine", I sigh

He nods, dropping to his knees, my heart racing

His fingers hook into my sweat pants, pulling them and my panties down

He helps me take off all my bottom clothes then his gaze moves to my cunt

"Pretty", he murmurs

Without warning he pulls me to him, his tongue buried and licking in my cunt

"Oooh...fff...", I stammer, pleasure exploding in my body

I move beside me, my hand leaning against the wall to keep myself from falling over

"Fuck, you taste so good" he groans, his tongue licking along my slit, between my pussy lips

Fuck, his tongue is so wet, so long, licking in a way he makes sure I can feel all of it

He moves one of my legs over his shoulder, his tongue sinking into my hole and I clench around it hard

"Mmm", he moans, pulling his tongue out then dipping back in

"Wooyoung fuck", I moan in bliss, my hand threading through his hair, the stands so soft around my fingers

One of his hands is around me, gripping my ass and squeezing as he tongue fucks me

I'm so wet, it has to be all over his face

That thought makes me blush hard, wondering if his face will be soaked when he's done and I'll see it

His tongue pulls out, sliding up and licking along my clit, using the flat of his tongue first, then moving it so the tip is massaging it

"Fuck", I cry, blinding pleasure making my body shake, "Fuck Woo. Yes baby"

As his tongue lavishes my clit in licks, his fingers push into my hole, wiggling around, making me shiver

"So fucking wet for me", he groans erotically

Just as soon as his fingers are there, they're gone

Then they're back, then out again

I don't know what he's doing but he does this a few more times, almost like he's getting his fingers or hand wet with my juice

He whines in my cunt, his mouth wrapping around my clit sucking desperately immediately

I shiver, my legs shaking at how fucking incredible it feels

Through the bliss, I hear a rhythmic wet sound, him groaning and moaning as he sucks on me

It sounds like he's jerking off

I look down to find him desperately slurping around my clit, his eyes closed like he's in heaven

Looking further down, I get so tuned on seeing that he is indeed jerking off

His hand is wrapped around his cock, stroking himself, the veins in his beautiful arm popping as he moves

His cock is glistening and I realize that he's using my pussy cream to jerk himself off

That's why he kept putting his fingers inside my cunt

He wanted to use my cream as lube

I will admit that turns me on like nothing else, making chills run up my spine

I watch him suck on me and jerk off, the bliss getting overwhelming

The next tug of my clit has me falling into my orgasm, intense pleasure exploding in my body as I cry out his name

"Wooyoung. Oh god, Wooyoung!"

His eyes open and are on mine instantly, watching me cum as he sucks me through it, his hand letting go of his dick and squeezing my ass, pushing me as close to his face as I can be

I can't, he's so fucking hot, it's mind boggling

As the pleasure fades, his eyes hold mine as his tongue moves down to my hole and slowly licks up

Pleasure enters his brown eyes as he moans, "Oh fuck, you taste so sweet princess"

His tongue keeps licking as he eats my cum, swallowing again and again

"So fucking good. God fucking damn"

I'm shocked as he cleans my pussy, not knowing what to say

When he finishes, he stands up and my face heats up at how wet his face is

His lips, his mouth, his chin and neck are glistening in my cum

He smirks, licking his lip then wiping his mouth, my legs wobbly

He takes his bottom clothes completely off then sits on his bed, half leaning on his headboard

"Please", he whimpers

"You...you didn't cum while you were jerking off?"

He shakes his head, "I told you it doesn't work. Please princess, sit on my cock. Please"

Well here goes nothing

Climbing in him, I get in his lap, him already holding his cock up for me

I'm really doing this

It's kinda surreal

Leaning on his shoulders, I lower down onto his head, taking him in, moans immediately spilling from his mouth

I push down, feeling his unbelievably hard thick cock forcing me open so pleasurably

He's so big it's almost like he's too big for me and I have to push down hard

"Fuck!", he yells, his head leaning back against the headboard, "So tight, oh my fucking god, so tight"

I go down slowly, my pussy getting wetter and clenching harder the more inches I take

He feels so fucking good, it's insane

"Oh my god, I'm gonna...", he cries as I slide down his cock more, "I'm gonna blow my load, I'm gonna-"

His nails dig into my hips as I feel his cock throb hard, warm cum shooting in my pussy as I keep taking his dick, his body shaking under me

I'm so shocked

He really just came from me getting him in

And he's not even fully in yet

"Joanne fuck, yes baby", he shouts, lifting his hips and sliding his cock fully inside me as he orgasms, "So good. Fuck so good"

I clench around him, whimpering as his head nestles against my spot, my pussy involuntarily throbbing around him

I feel so full of his cock, so full of his cum and it's completely satisfying

Of course, leave it to him to feel the best inside me

His body stills, his eyes opening, gazing on me

He lifts his hips again, like he's making sure he's buried in my pussy as deep as he can be

And what I feel is surprising

"Are you...", I say gaping, clenching purposely around him, "Still hard?"

He nods, his eyes on me as he breathes hard

"Fuck me. Please"

That really wasn't what this was supposed to happen

I was just supposed to cock warm him

"Woo-"

"Please. Please. Don't I feel good?"

"Yes", I admit

He does, he feels really good, stretching me out so satisfyingly, his fat head nestled against my spot

"Please fuck my cock", he whines, "You can cum too. Used me to cum. I...I need it. I need your pussy. I need you"

I gaze down into his eyes, seeing want swirled with desire and it turns me on more

I mean I'm already this far, fucking can't be much of a stretch

Maybe I need this

Maybe I just need to fuck him once and I can get over these feelings for him

Probably not, but I'm already sitting on his cock, I might as well go all the way

I nod and he smiles his beautiful smile that takes my breath away and it's so not fair

His hands move up from my hips, pushing my shirt up my body as he sits up

I move my arms through the sleeves, letting him take it off, followed by my bra then I get his shirt off

I gently push him back and get my first close up look of my best friend shirtless

And I choke on air

Broad muscular chest, abs cut into his stomach, the tattoo on his ribs so fucking sexy

I slide my hands slowly down his body, starting from his shoulders, to his chest then to his abs, just feeling how soft and warm his skin is

I move my fingers to his tattoo, slowly tracing the words, his skin shivering under my touch, making me smile softly

"Fuck", he murmurs and when I look up at him, he's biting his lip, looking at me like how I must be looking at him

Like I'm everything he's ever wanted

But that can't be right

He's probably just shocked at seeing me naked is all

It's then I noticed his hands moving all over my body, touching my hips, his fingers trailing up my body, running over my sides, making my skin tingle

He cups my boobs, softly squeezing, his thumbs running over my nipples making me wetter on his dick

"You're fucking beautiful", he murmurs, shocking the fuck out of me, "Fucking perfect"

I blush but remind myself that it's just because he's never seen me naked before

And the fact that he wouldn't tell me I'm ugly

Wooyoung can be dense but he's not mean

"You're beautiful Woo", I tell him, his eyes meeting mine, his cheeks turning pink

"Ride me?", he asks shyly

Which is completely the opposite of the way he acts around me

He's always loud, at times obnoxious, funny, confident

Never shy

It's something completely new

I just nod, putting my hands flat on his chest, then moving my legs, sliding up his cock

The drag of his dick feels so good, sending shivers up my spine, my pussy desperately clenching on him to keep him in

"Fuck", he whimpers, his eyes glued to my pussy

When I get to his head, I squeeze hard, then push down, the feeling of his cock opening me up so delicious

"Woo", I moan, bottoming him out, his head rubbing my spot, making my body shudder

I move slowly at first, up and down his length, moving just a bit faster with each bounce

"Yes baby. Feels so good", he groans, his hands gripping my hips hard

I get a good pace going, bouncing on his extremely hard dick, enjoying the way he feels moving in my pussy

I slide my hands down to his abs, leaning on them as I slip up and down, moving my hips in a circle as I take him all in, grinding on his head

Each rub of his head against my spot zaps bliss and lightening up my spine and I can't help but softly moan his name often

"Wooyoung"

I increase my speed, leaning back on his legs, throwing my head back the more the bliss gets

"Fuck, I didn't know you knew how to ride cock", he murmurs, watching me move on him

I nod, "Yeah, I do"

Most guys are terrible at getting me to cum so I always ride them after a few other positions to make sure I cum too

I've gotten very good at it

"This pussy is so pretty, swallowing my cock like this", he whimpers, "So fucking wet, creaming my cock so fucking much. I didn't know a pussy could cream like this"

"Do you like it?", I ask, closing my eyes, falling into the pleasure he's giving me, my pussy spasming around him harder

"Love it", he answers, "Are you always this wet?"

I shake my head, "Not this much"

I do get wet but I'm completely drenched now, so much so that the squelching sound my pussy is making as I fuck his cock is so fucking loud

It's never been this loud before

"It's just for me?"

I nod, "Yeah Woo. You make me this wet. You make me this turned on"

"Fuck", he murmurs, my cunt choking the life from his cock

I'm so close, just a few more bounces

"Woo, I'm gonna cum", I mumble, moving my legs as fast as I can, riding him like I've never ridden anyone before

"Please cum", he begs quietly, "Wanna feel you cum so bad"

His begging with the next bounce does it and I explode all over his cock, shouting his name, the ecstasy washing over me

"Wooyoung", I moan, not knowing which way is up

All I can do is ride the pleasure, my hips rocking on his cock, his head massaging my spot and keeping me in bliss longer

"Yes, oh fuck, you feel so good! Princess I can't...it feels...fuck", he chokes out, pushing his hips up, making sure he's buried deep inside me

My whole body shakes and I have to lean forward, my hands on his abs as I ride it out on his amazing cock

As the pleasure slowly leaves, I slow down my rocking until I'm finished, so out of breath

That was a fucking amazing orgasm

Before I can say anything, he sits up, pulls me against him and rolls us over

He moves on top of me, my legs moving around his waist on their own, his soft, warm, sweaty skin against mine

It feels so fucking good

He looks down at me with an unreadable expression as he gazes into my eyes

I can't tear my gaze from his intense one, wondering what he's thinking

His finger runs along my cheek as he leans down, his lips capturing mine in a mind altering kiss

My entire body floods with fire, every atom alight and awake

I feel dizzy, my head spinning as I kiss him back, never wanting it to end

My arms move around his neck, holding him close as he pushes his cock back inside me

Burying inside in one stroke, he grinds against me as his tongue moves in my mouth, deepening the kiss

I'm in total heaven, never wanting this to end

He kisses me silly, his hips pulling back, the drag of his cock sending tingles up my spine

He snaps his hips forward, his cock sliding back in, the tip rubbing my spot

I moan in his mouth, clenching on his dick tightly

As he moves, he makes sure he goes in deep, his pelvis rubbing my clit, sending stars into my vision

His arm leans next to my head, his other hand softly playing with my boobs as he thrusts faster

His lips separate from mine but I shake my head, my hand moving to his cheek, "No Woo, kiss me. Don't stop"

He smiles softly, his smile so fucking dazzling, then his lips are back on mine, kissing me passionately

I begin moving my hips, meeting his thrusts, my arms wrapping around him, my hands on his strong back

His muscles move under my palms, his skin soft and sweaty

It does nothing but turn me on more

We move together, my legs tightening around his waist as the pleasure becomes more and more

We both moan, clinging onto each other and I never want this to stop

I want to keep his warm sweaty skin against mine, want to keep running my fingers in his soft hair, keep his lips against mine

That would be my dream come true

"Princess", he murmurs between kisses, his hand taking one of my hands, lacing our fingers and holding my hand firmly, "Princess, fuck, so good"

"So good Woo", I agree, kissing him, the feeling of his hand in mine so right

His cock plunges in and out, the feel driving me crazy, the bliss almost too much

I'm close, my pussy gripping and choking his length

"You're gonna make me cum princess", he groans breaking the kiss, his face moving into my neck, his hips rolling into mine, plunging his cock in at a dizzying speed, "Oh fuck, you're gonna make me cum"

"Wooyoung", I cry, ecstasy crashing over me as another mind blowing orgasm over takes me

I can't think, I can't tell which way is up, all I know is I'm in incredible pleasure, screaming his name

His hips fuck harder into me as I cum, yelling, "I'm coming. Fuck, princess, I'm coming, fuck!"

His cock barrels in, throbbing hard as his warm cum fills me for a second time, his hips pressing against mine, keeping his length inside me

My pussy can't help but pulse around him, milking his cock for all his cum

"Yes, Wooyoung, fuck", I moan as he moans, "Joanne, princess, so good baby, fuck, fuck, fuck"

I finish first, coming back down to earth, holding him as he finishes, running my fingers in his hair and kissing his shoulder

He shivers against me, lifting his head, his gorgeous brown eyes on mine through his wet sweaty hair

He smiles, then leans down, kissing me so softly and in this moment I'm utterly happy

He moves off me, laying down next to me, cuddling into me, his face nuzzling in my neck and I'm surprised

I thought he'd just get up and want to hang like nothing happened

"Mmm princess", he murmurs, his arms wrapping around me, holding me firmly against him and I just can't help but turn into his embrace, snuggling into him too

If he wants to cuddle, I'm going to take it

He sighs contently against my neck, his fingers running in my hair and it feels so good

"Baby", he sighs, "I love you"

I stop breathing, wondering if he knows what he's saying

Wondering if he's joking

Wondering if he knows he just upended my world

"Princess?", he says, a nervous tick to his voice

"Woo...what...what are you doing?", I ask

"I don't understand-", he starts

"Are you playing a joke on me?", I ask quietly, hoping he's not because that would be unforgivable, "Are you just saying-"

"No!", he exclaims, lifting his head, his eyes on mine, "I'm not playing a joke! I would never do that"

"So...you...mean you actually....", I trial off, almost afraid to believe it

"Love you?", he asks, his fingers trailing down my cheek softly, "Yeah Jo, I'm stupidly in love with you"

My heart skips a beat, it taking a few seconds for it to sink in

"Yeah...why do you think I was begging it to be you?", he asks softly, "If I wanted to fuck, I could of gone to the club and picked any girl. I could of called any fuck buddy like you suggested"

I mean yes, he could have

"I just...I couldn't be with anyone else. Anytime I tried, I just wanted you, kept thinking about you and my dick...wouldn't work with anyone else. I couldn't get hard with anyone else. And if I did...I didn't stay hard long enough for sex"

My eyes widen at that

He's never had a problem fucking anyone else before

"I'd just....lost interest because it wasn't you"

"You're kidding", I gape

He shakes his head, "No princess. Once I realized I love you, no other girl did it for me or held my interest. And yeah while I was desperate tonight, I wanted just you. I knew it would only work with you. It had to be you"

Me

I'd have never thought it would be me

Or it'd be more than sex

"I just...I didn't know how to tell you", he says shyly, breaking eye contact and looking down, "And right now, having you in my arms, finally cuddling with me, it felt right and I just said it"

I lift his face to mine, stroking his cheek softly, looking into his eyes

"I love you Wooyoung", I tell him, his eyes widening as a smile forms on his face, "I have been in love with you for so long you don't even know. I thought you'd never see me"

He shakes his head, "I did see you princess. I just didn't know how to tell you how I felt until tonight"

I smile, "I'm glad you did baby. All I ever wanted was you"

"You have me princess", he assures me

"You have me baby", I tell him, "I love you"

"I love you baby", he whispers, his lips against mine in a sweet loving kiss and I melt into him

After, we settled back in each other's arms under his blanket, my fingers running in his hair

"Mmmm princess", he coos, against my neck, "Tomorrow I have a photo shoot. You're coming with me right? I know you don't have work tomorrow"

I giggle, "Yeah baby, I'll come with you"

"Mm hmm. And you'll come to more performances? I need my girlfriend watching me on stage and waiting backstage for me to shower me in kisses and tell me how good I did"

I laugh, kissing his soft lips, "Of course my high maintenance baby"

"And I need to be with you every night, to see you and fuck you and cuddle you and tell you I love you and sleep with you in my arms", he continues, "It's non-negotiable"

I smile, so fucking happy, "That can definitely be arranged baby"

"Good", he says, snuggling closer, "We can start tonight. You're staying with me"

"Yes sir", I laugh, holding him tighter

"I love you princess", he whispers, kissing my neck

"I love you baby", I answer

I close my eyes, ready to fall asleep in my best friend and boyfriend's arms

[lucky-clover-gazette]

captive prince short stories highlights & annotations

pet

(takes place during book 1: captive prince)

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

Ancel was a virgin the first twelve times he had sex. The thirteenth time, it lacked all plausibility.

‘You could buy out my contract.’ ‘How much?’ He made up a figure. There was no Lord Arten. Ancel landed his first contract that day: three months of his time, signed over to the merchant’s son.

‘I’ve never done it in public before,’ said Ancel. ‘You’d be my first.’

ancel leveraging subcategories of his virginity. smart

‘You’re not going to take him away from me, you slut,’ said the boy sweetly, murmuring the words too quietly for anyone else to hear. ‘Too late,’ said Ancel.

vere sucks. but i think ancel is playing the system more effectively than like anyone else there

Was this how men felt fucking him? No wonder they paid a fortune for it.

Fucking Lord Rouart, fucking every lord here. Being watched by everyone while he did it was like a blinding white light.

veretian society fucks ancel, ancel fucks veretian society harder

The room exploded in approval, cheers, calls of his name. He could hear shouts of suggestions, ribald calls to Lord Rouart in the thick excitement of the crowd.

there have to be at least a few people in vere who are not into this, but just kind of playing along to keep their—wait isn’t that the other guy in this short story

He was going to meet his new owner, and his new owner was going to fuck him.

ancel does not understand how cs pacat writes sex and power dynamics. nobody ever gets what they think they’re going to get

‘So, you saw me in the ring, and decided that you just had to have me,’ said Ancel. Berenger looked up. ‘No. I hate the ring.’ The words were matter-of-fact. ‘Parsins, hand me my jacket.’

i think i am going to really like berenger.

‘How old are you?’ As if Ancel hadn’t spoken. ‘Sixteen.’ Berenger gave him a flat look. ‘Twenty,’ said Ancel, the truth coming out with a flash of annoyance that he had to work hard to keep out of his voice.

He tried to recover. ‘And you?’ said Ancel, in his most velvet voice. ‘Now that you have me, what are you going to do with me?’ ‘I’m riding to Ladehors.’ Berenger was walking right past him, he was—was he leaving?

most normal guy in vere

Ancel had seen with his own eyes that Berenger owned six identical copies of the same brown jacket.

oh i love this character

He was dressed in a loose shirt of simple white linen and plain trousers, his red hair tied back in a casual tail with a single leather tie. He looked up when he heard footsteps, and then stood quickly, closing the book. An unaffected young man, rising startled to greet his friend. ‘My lord,’ said Ancel. ‘I’m sorry, I—you took me by surprise.’

this is so funny. ancel pretending to be what he thinks berenger wants him to be, which is just like another normal guy

'Oh this?’ A hand to his mussily tied back hair. ‘I wasn’t expecting you back so early. I can change into something more—’ ‘No. You look handsome.’ Berenger stopped and shook his head. ‘That is, when we’re not at functions, you should feel free to wear whatever you like.’ ‘Thank you, my lord,’ said Ancel. It was Berenger who took a step forward. ‘You’re reading Isagoras?’ Berenger was looking at the discarded book with its scrollwork pages. He looked up at Ancel in surprise. ‘What do you think of him?’

i like how ancel is doing a reversal of the makeover trope. he was hot and glamorous before, and now he’s trying to make himself look like a boring nerd

Ancel couldn’t read, but he had planned all this from the moment Parsins had pointed the book out to him.

LMAOOOOOO

Ancel ate the plain food with the good manners of a merchant’s son, and none of the teasing flirtation that marked his own profession.

what are you talking about, there’s never been a mention of homoerotic bread eating in this series before

It happened in the library one night several weeks later, as Berenger was talking about politics. Ancel nodded and half listened while Berenger said—blah blah the Prince, blah blah the alliance with Akielos—

‘In the end, aren’t we all looking for someone to be loyal to?’ said Ancel, softly.

ancel really just went down the checklist of things he was told berenger likes (loyalty in friendship in this case)

also, a note from post-reading the entire story sam: YES YOU ARE, ANCEL.

‘Is that what you want?’ said Berenger. ‘It’s what I never thought I’d find,’ said Ancel, ‘until I met you,’ and it was happening, finally, it was finally happening, the two of them drawing closer in the firelight, Ancel’s arms sliding around Berenger’s neck, leaning in to— ‘Ancel—no.’

‘You may have made assumptions,’ Berenger spoke first, not looking at him, ‘after I bid for you in the ring, but I—’ For a moment, Ancel didn’t understand. And then suddenly the rejections and the refusals made sense. ‘It doesn’t have to be like it was in the ring,’ Ancel said in rush, relieved to have discovered the root of the problem. He hastened to reassure Berenger. ‘I don’t have to be the one who does that.’

ancel i don’t think this is a top/bottom thing, i think berenger isn’t drinking whatever horny flouride they have in the water in vere and is just disinterested in the pet stuff

He waited for Berenger to get it. Berenger didn’t seem to get it.

because that’s not what berenger meant!! this dynamic is very fun. extremely self-assured and aspirational guy who only knows how to leverage sex and schmooze, vs chill-ass guy who is not really trying to get anything out of anyone and therefore not thinking or trying too hard

‘You can fuck me,’ Ancel explained. Berenger’s eyes went wide. Was that the wrong thing to say? ‘I’ve always done it that way before. It’s what I’m good at.’ That was the wrong thing to say, too. ‘I mean, I want you.’ That was better. He should have said that first. ‘I want you.’ He moved a step closer, made it personal. ‘The way you want me.’ ‘Ancel, you don’t have to—’ ‘I want you to fuck me.’ ‘That isn’t what I want.’ ‘Then what do you want?’ Ancel said, in pure frustration.

world’s first reverse beard has been invented

‘In six weeks,’ began Berenger, ‘I’m attending court. As a single man, I need a pet to attend dinners and functions with me. For propriety’s sake. That is all. I don’t expect intimacy in private. In fact I prefer in private that you—that you and I—’ ‘Court?’ Like a flower inclining towards sunlight, Ancel’s whole attention swung to the thought. He barely heard the rest. ‘You’re taking me to court?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘The royal court. At Arles.’ ‘Yes.’

such a fun premise for this story. ancel has a reason to stay (social climbing), berenger has a reason to need ancel (appearing to follow customs). surely they can help each other accomplish their goals while keeping this impersonal and professional, with no eventual mutual understanding or friendship or romance.

‘Well, I’m going to need a lot more jewels,’ Ancel said, his annoyance returning with a snap. ‘I know you like boring young men in cotton shirts, but I can’t wander around the palace looking like this.’ Berenger was staring at him again, like Ancel was a stranger he was meeting for the first time. Ancel lifted his chin. ‘What? I intend to make the most of our time at court. I am incredibly good at my chosen profession. Not that you’d know that.’ ‘It’s possible I didn’t realise how good until now.’ Berenger was still gazing at him with that new look in his eyes. After a long moment, ‘Do you even like horses?’ ‘I can’t read,’ said Ancel. ‘I see,’ said Berenger.

okay yeah i LOVE this. mask off for ancel, meanwhile berenger hadn’t even bothered to pretend in the first place. i mean he’s pretending in front of the court, but not ancel. it’s just nice that they’re on the same team, unlike SOME PEOPLE i’ve read about during this rough period of time in vere

The next morning, Ancel threw away the plain white shirt and the simple leather hair tie, and came down to breakfast in the clothes that he liked: exquisite silks and velvets that felt good against his skin, wearing his hair pampered and long and out. Berenger didn’t say, ‘I see,’ but the implication was there in the heavy weight of his regard as he looked at Ancel across the table. Ancel lifted his chin, ignoring all the uninspired foods that Berenger liked and biting into a fruit tart.

this story has done a great job of making me like ancel and berenger in a short amount of time. strong moments of characterization (the fruit tart, the jackets, etc), more simple and less subtle than damen and laurent, but still very fun to notice and appreciate

‘The horse I chose for you has arrived,’ said Berenger. ‘She’s a strawberry roan named Ruby. I wonder if you’ll like her.’

berenger and ancel’s first official date is a chappell roan concert. red hair and horses.

For his part, Ancel stopped trying to seduce Berenger, and started enjoying himself.

Perhaps Berenger preferred women.

i don’t think this is where the story goes, but i would actually kinda like if they were just friends, and that was in fact the case. or even better, ancel assumes berenger is straight and that’s why he’s not interested, but berenger is eventually like “no i like men, i’m just not attracted to you” or "i don't like my partners being 10 years younger than i am"

Every commoner in the province had a story about Lord Berenger: Berenger had remembered the name of their child; Berenger had stayed with them through the birth of their prize colt; Berenger had helped them with the purchase of equipment when they had none, saving the harvest.

berenger could not have been involved in the main series. i think he’d break the reader’s brain compared to laurent because he’s just like. a normal and decent person despite the horrors, and not trying to hide it beneath a million layers of complicated bullshit

‘No. I meant that the court has changed,’ said Berenger, shaking his head, ‘since the King died. The Regent’s influence—’

hate that guy

‘What?’ said Ancel. ‘Luxury suits you,’ remarked Berenger.

god i wish this could stay platonic. THAT would be the true subversion!

note from post-reading the entire story sam: with the full image we eventually get of ancel, i actually think it's even better that berenger admits that he desires him. it would feel kind of like a cop-out for the answer to ancel's unspoken question of "would anyone like me for who i am, if my attractiveness was not a factor?" to be "yeah this guy does, but he never would have been into you in the first place." it's even more effective, and even more a subversion of what ancel thinks of himself, for berenger to find ALL of him attractive—his ambition and talent and intelligence, in addition to his looks and performance—and not want to reduce ancel to the sex object that he (ancel) thinks he has to be.

Who was the new pet? How had he come to serve Berenger?

i’m getting the impression that the previous king of vere had not required people like berenger to have pets, but the regent does. which is why berenger hired ancel

Berenger then knelt for the Prince, who was standing to the left of the throne, a severe young man in harsh clothing.

GOD i hope i get to see a little bit of laurent being a withdrawn dryly comedic sitcom side character before damen arrives and it sends him into joker mode

Lady Egere had a horse program Berenger was interested in, so Ancel made her feel like the most important person in the world.

berenger not beating the normal person allegations. like yeah, that is what people do at dinner parties. they talk to other people about shared interests. good job, berenger.

And when everyone was talking about the Prince, and the conversation swerved uncomfortably towards the new Akielon alliance, Ancel stepped in and told the whole table a risqué story he’d heard about Akielon bed practices, diverting attention.

laurent sighs and makes a mental note to be slightly less hostile to ancel for that accidental favor

Even Berenger laughed when he got to the punchline.

‘I love them,’ said Ancel. ‘I’d sleep with you right now. I might even enjoy it for once.’ He stopped. ‘High praise,’ said Berenger, dryly. ‘Of course, with you, I’d—’ ‘Oh, of course,’ said Berenger.

oh NICE moment. ancel admitting that he doesn’t actually like any of this shit he’s doing. and berenger implying that he’s always understood that.

Another day, another brown jacket.

i love the brown jacket as a means of characterization and comedy

‘In blue or red, you could look quite handsome.’ It was something Ancel had noticed on the third morning, in the early light from the window. Berenger had a strong profile, good bone structure, and warm eyes. His waist, where Ancel was lacing, was trim, his body fit from riding. ‘Let me pick your jacket.’ Berenger sounded amused. ‘You don’t like my jacket?’

you don’t like his jacket????

He didn’t let Ancel pick his jacket.

good to know he has his hard limits

They had a good system in which Ancel filched the delicious confectionaries and special sweets and left Berenger all the plain stuff he preferred.

i love this for them!!!

‘I can’t believe you’ve never visited the coupling gardens. Do you feel no desires at all? Come on.’ ‘Ancel, I don’t think that—’ ‘Look, it’s those flowers from that boring poem that you like,’ Ancel announced proudly. He stood in front of the spray of white flowers. Berenger had stopped. The flowers were night blooming, filling the air with a delicate scent.

ancel please don’t talk about poetry in the mindfuck blowjob garden

‘You’re right,’ said Berenger. ‘They’re very beautiful. And rare. In the poem, the lover is given only a single flower.’ ‘What a terrible gift. I’d much rather have jewellery,’ said Ancel, wrinkling his nose. ‘Or clothes. Even the horse was better.’ Berenger’s mouth quirked, his eyes shifting from the flowers, amused and warm. ‘Yes, you’re a little more expensive.’

THEY SHOULD STAY FRIENDSSSS please!!! i want to see their odd couple not a couple adventures as neither of them actually falls in love bc they’re married to the grind (literally for ancel, figuratively for berenger). then again, we know that ancel doesn’t actually like being a pet, so i can see how this ends up a romance that works. but STILL

'I like feeling—’ Like part of it. Like the master of it. Like he had power over the men, like if they wanted him they had to pay a fortune for it. Like he was more valuable than the wine goblet Berenger held, or the silver pitcher a servant had poured from. Like he mattered.

ancel understands exactly how this stronger man/weaker man thing works, in that the weakest man is the one who forces others to the bottom so he can be on top. but berenger doesn’t do that, except for appearances. and he’s very clear that he knows it’s all bullshit too.

‘Perhaps I ought to think of it more like that.’ ‘How do you think of it?’ ‘I think,’ said Berenger, ‘that the only person in this place who shows me their real face is you.’

berenger: i’d probably be happier if i just allowed myself to enjoy the luxury and debauchery ancel: wait so what do you think instead berenger: that this is all fake and stupid as hell, and you’re the only one with the awareness to understand that and use it

‘I can make everyone look at me.’ There was the familiar frown, like an old friend. ‘Ancel, I told you I don’t want—’

“like an old friend” because he IS your friend, because he appreciates you for who you are, not for the ways you can perform

Gasps as they burst into flame, and Ancel tossed the stick high, a spinning wheel of dangerous light.

how did he like. learn how to do this. this isn’t something you can just do on a whim. although i guess it does suit ancel to play with fire

That was part of the thrill, sensuality and danger. He had everyone’s attention now. He tossed and twirled, and it was easy, all of it coming back to him, his childhood days before his profession had changed, before the escalating series of favours, until the moment he had finally agreed to it. You have to pay me extra. It’s my first time.

very effective way to give backstory: he was a performer, and then someone propositioned him for sex, and then he realized the possibilities of going into that kind of work full-time. it put the power in his hands, and people did in fact pay him more when he asked.

‘You’re full of talents, aren’t you,’ said a boy’s voice, and Ancel turned. The boy was very lovely and very young, with huge blue eyes and a tumble of brown curls.

my heart hurts

‘Since you like to play with fire,’ said Nicaise.

extremely bittersweet to have nicaise say one of my own thoughts

‘I’ve heard that Berenger likes women, and that he disappears sometimes from court, so that he can—’ Ancel flushed. He left the main hall and made straight for Berenger, who was sitting in an adjoining antechamber, on one of the long reclining couches, amid a handful of acquaintances, talking in small relaxed groups. ‘Kiss me,’ said Ancel as he settled, one knee on the couch on either side of Berenger’s thighs, his hands linked behind Berenger’s neck. ‘What?’ said Berenger. ‘On the mouth,’ said Ancel.

yeah they invented reverse bearding

Berenger was beginning to frown. Ancel thought, with a burst of irritation, I know you don’t want to, but can’t you just pretend? How hard was it? Ancel pretended all the time. Berenger had a reputation to maintain. But if Ancel said that, Berenger would probably reply with something idiotic like his own reputation didn’t matter to him.

ancel is so perceptive, compared to damen it’s like. jarring

It didn’t feel impersonal. He was instead extremely conscious that it was Berenger that he was kissing.

uh oh

His lips were tingling from kissing Berenger, and that didn’t seem to make sense.

UH OH

‘Like you mean it,’ said Ancel, and kissed him again.

UH OH!!!!

‘My lord,’ he said, and he sounded turned on, which was how he was supposed to sound. ‘Berenger.’

love ancel being in denial about having feelings

Ancel closed his eyes. He could imagine exactly what Berenger liked, lovemaking in the dark with a young man in a plain shirt. If they ever—Ancel would have to feign at least a degree of innocence, physically experienced but emotionally unprepared, looking up at Berenger and saying it’s never been like this before. He imagined that: imagined Berenger kissing him in private. A strange shaky feeling grew in him. Berenger would kiss with the same seriousness as he was now, he probably fucked like that too, strong and steady. Berenger’s voice in his ear, roughened. ‘You’re so good at faking it.’ ‘I know,’ Ancel said. ‘I know I’m good.’

ancel is down BAD for this brown jacket man, holy shit

‘How long do we have to stay here?’ Berenger said. ‘What?’ said Ancel. ‘How long do you normally take?’ said Berenger.

wait. so ancel in the garden scene. was half trying to make berenger jealous and half trying to convince himself that he’s better off doing what anyone else but berenger would ask him to do. and failing to convince himself entirely. LOVE that alternate perspective, so cool!!

It took a moment before he understood the words, and their meaning. But the way Berenger was standing off from him, like a man who has had his evening interrupted for a charade in which he has little interest, made everything clear. Ancel pushed down the feelings in his chest, closing his eyes briefly.

ouch

‘All right,’ said Berenger, and stood there, awkwardly. Ancel heard himself say, ‘Unless, do you want—’ Me. Do you want me.

i love how free will continues to be a theme in this series, even when we’re not discussing damen and laurent. specifically regarding desire and attachment, romantic and sexual. ancel doesn’t actually want to be the person he pretends he is, lowering himself beneath his masters and helping them get off on the power they have over him; he wants to be understood and wanted for his whole self. and berenger is like the only person he’s ever met who has wished to see him as something other than a sex object or performance piece, the only person who doesn’t wish to intimately possess or control him. berenger seems to want to experience love on even footing, which in vere is highly unusual. no wonder ancel is desperate for his interest, when his interest is actually REAL.

He thought, he could make Berenger like it.

free will theme again! he made berenger like it, it wouldn’t be real. and ancel wouldn’t like it either.

‘I think we both know this isn’t working,’ Berenger said in a low voice. ‘This,’ said Ancel. Berenger wasn’t looking at him. ‘I’ll pay out your time in full. We can separate after you perform for the Patran delegation. You can tell people your contract simply came to the end of its time.’ ‘You’re ending our contract,’ said Ancel.

BRUTAL. and the thing is, berenger is being kind and selfless here. ancel has told him with words and actions that he only cares about upward social mobility, and has made it seem like berenger is holding him back. berenger is putting himself at a huge disadvantage in the regent’s court by letting ancel find another employer, but probably feels like this is the best way he can genuinely honor ancel’s stated wishes. sad little miscommunication moment, although i don’t think it’s fully that trope because ancel only subconsciously realized how he feels like five minutes ago

‘Everyone will want you after your performance. You won’t have trouble finding men to bid for you—’ ‘I know,’ said Ancel. ‘I’m the best pet at this court.’

ancel does his fire dance to “my kink is karma” by chappell roan as he desperately tries to repress his feelings

He didn’t know why, but the next day when Ancel saw Berenger talking in a low voice to Lord Droet’s pet, it made him angry, and he stalked out of the stuffy, overlit rooms, into the cool shade of the gardens.

oh, captive prince chapter 5 dubcon (and that’s generous) scene that damen took way less seriously than myself or even laurent because he (damen) grew up with sex slaves so this is kinda normal to him. oh, captive prince chapter 5 dubcon scene that, despite its problematic nature, was and still is extremely compelling to me, by which i mean unfairly hot

It was the Ambassador to Vask, her face familiar to him from a dozen evening entertainments. Ancel knew her sculptured style of dress well, the Vaskian elements she incorporated into her clothing. She had the straight-backed posture and poise of a woman used to power.

VANNES HIIIII VANNES

Vannes spoke. ‘You and Berenger are utterly mismatched. And you’re clearly ambitious. I hope you won’t hurt him too badly when you move on.’

she sees the version of ancel that he knows is wrong for himself, but he’s leaning into it because berenger’s kinda-rejection hurt so bad

Everyone would think what Vannes thought, that Berenger couldn’t hold Ancel and Ancel was moving on to someone better.

i like how this is so high stakes to ancel, for good reason, but we know that there are way higher stakes batshit insane things happening with damen and laurent right now. but ancel doesn’t care about damen and laurent. he cares about himself and berenger. just a really cool way of showing another pov for the same story!

Ancel thought of the impossible. For pets, it was epitomised by one man. The Prince. The Prince, who had never taken a pet. The Prince, who had never taken anyone, or been taken, so they said. They said he was frigid, that he had ice in his veins, that pets failed to interest him. But there was one person who had the Prince’s complete attention.

YHRWYOEGRUYWEGRUYWERHBFSDF

By the time Berenger and the others arrived, Ancel knew exactly what he was going to do.

i LOVE having this context, wow! it doesn’t really change the nature of the original scene, but adds dimension in a super satisfying way. i also really like how this works with the general vibe of book 1—it feels so isolated and depraved to read, you’re wondering “holy shit is everyone here besides damen just a terrible person?” and that’s the point, but with this addition from another perspective it’s like, hey, berenger was there the whole time. normal nice decent guy, caught up in the same shit as everyone else. who had only been trying to be kind to ancel and give him what he wanted, and most certainly did not want him to do what he does here. it reminds me of loyse, and the way she’s incorporated into the main series—so much of damen and laurent’s experiences early on are defined by struggling alone, but they’re both less alone than they thought, both in terms of sympathetic company and people dealing with the same problems they have. this is seen both in the way they are with each other, especially with the slow burn of 'Laurent is Not As Bad As Damen Thought He Was With More Context,' and the way people like loyse are slowly revealed by the narrative. it's just neat. if i ever re-read captive prince, i’ll be like, “oh it’s berenger!!!” and the scene will, in some small way, feel less isolated.

Physically imposing, and dripping with disdainful pride, he looked as though he could break any handlers in half.

love this description of damen as having “disdainful pride,” because so much of his internal narrative is considering himself a victim, which he is. but also, he is very disdainful towards this society, and prideful about his own. damen himself admits that he had prejudices and misjudgments towards vere and blind spots regarding his own society at the end of king’s rising, and it’s cool to see ancel get that impression immediately.

The younger blond slave pressed his forehead submissively to the floor, a pose that seemed designed to make you want to step on his head. Ancel found himself unaccountably irritated by the passivity.

obviously both systems are bad, but if you read my main series annotations you know i’m very much in agreement with ancel here

Berenger was frowning.

normal! reaction!

He looked scornful and unimpressed when his eyes passed briefly over Ancel, Berenger and Vannes. His only movement was to shift slightly, a rearrangement of muscle.

i looooove seeing damen from the outside, wow

Arriving in the bower, the Prince of Vere was instantly commanding, with nothing soft or yielding in him. A young man with golden hair, cold blue eyes and an arresting profile, he had a pet’s looks and a Prince’s bearing, laced up tighter than Berenger, in dark, severe clothing. He looked capable of mastering the slave through force of will, as though the slave’s discomfort was his pleasure.

good to see, in this case, that laurent is very much perceived exactly how he is trying to be perceived. we know that this is for his own safety, and it isn’t harming ancel at all. unlike in captive prince book 1, where damen is being directly harmed by laurent and his rancid vibes, albeit for stronger reasons (he knows who damen is) than either damen or the reader understand.

‘Ancel, no. He could hurt you.’ Ancel ignored Berenger, and spoke to the shoulders and back of the Prince.

this is so cool. when i read the original scene, it seemed like berenger said this out of like, petty distate for akelions and maybe jealousy. but now we know it’s because berenger thinks that this is all fucked up, and doesn’t want ancel to get hurt by his own ambition

‘Would you like that?’ Berenger frowned. ‘No. I wouldn’t.’

“would you like that [i get hurt]?” oh ancel :( and you know that he thinks berenger would, or at least wouldn’t care either way. because ancel is just 20 and emotionally undeveloped and seems not to have been truly cared for in his life

again, i assumed originally in this scene that unnamed berenger said “no i wouldn’t” because of jealousy. but that isn’t true! berenger already told ancel that he can leave! he just actually cares about ancel!

The Prince turned, and Ancel found himself the sole subject of the Prince’s attention.

i like that we know he isn’t, because the only living people capable of completely hijacking and consuming laurent’s large capacity for thought are the regent and damen

‘I think your master would prefer you intact,’ said the Prince.

in captive prince, it adds, “said laurent, dryly.” but it’s not dry to ancel, he doesn't want to acknowledge the fact that laurent is deeply unamused

‘You could tie the slave up.’ He saw the moment the Prince took in the idea. There was something more in the Prince’s eyes, something private, though it was only there for a moment, before the Prince’s expression hardened.

well yeah, but he’s not thinking about you, ancel.

Ancel looked Berenger right in the eyes. ‘Tell me how you want me to fuck him.’ ‘I don’t want you to fuck him,’ said Berenger. ‘I do,’ said Ancel. ‘I want to do it with you watching.’

new dialogue, things damen didn’t hear! i think i kinda explored what’s going on here in previous annotations

You mean with the Prince watching, Berenger didn’t say.

this is strange. at first it seems like uncharacteristic pov head jumping, but then it’s like no, this is what ancel THINKS berenger isn’t saying. ancel cannot imagine that berenger’s reluctance here could be for any other reason than, like, petty jealousy of the prince. when in reality berenger just cares about ancel and doesn’t want him to get caught up with insane terrible people

Instead, Berenger frowned in that way that he had, turned to the handlers, and gave some instructions about safety.

so they DO have safe words in vere. although maybe berenger just invented them, that sounds like something he would do

Drawn by the rarity of the spectacle, a few other courtiers had drifted over, and then a few more, a small audience gathering.

love the mention of rarity, since damen assumes that this is totally normal

Ancel didn’t need Berenger. He was going to do it with the Prince’s slave, in front of everyone. No other pet had ever won the Prince’s attention.

ancel i know you were just dumped for the first time but this is not the slay you think it is

The slave’s eyes lifted to meet Ancel’s for a moment, radiating fury, before he turned the full force of it on the Prince, who just stared back at him coldly.

don’t worry about it. they’re fine

He wasn’t a court pet, or a brothel client. He was an Akielon, named for the Akielon prince-killer.

oh my god. imagine ancel’s reaction when he learns that he had unknowingly given the future king of akielos a bj

Ancel could see, as he put his hands on those thighs, that the slave disliked him. That was irritating. Did he think Ancel was salivating to suck his cock? Pets had to do things they didn’t like all the time.

obsessed with the way ancel is projecting berenger onto this. a really neat subversion of the way he intentionally and performatively projected that other guy in order to win his favor. also fun because in the scene from damen’s perspective, ancel is very literally a projection of laurent. neither ancel nor damen are imagining this with the person actually doing it with them. is this what the “mutually unrequited sex” ao3 tag is for

It had been a long time since Ancel had given head, thanks to Berenger’s prudery. It was disconcerting, uncomfortable at first, like he didn’t want to be this close, or put his mouth on it. He pushed past the feeling. He was good at this. He knew what to do and how to do it. The uncomfortable feeling grew. The slave was too stupid to realise he was supposed to be performing.

the way it’s almost a good thing that ancel is uncomfortable right now, because it means that he’s in some small way breaking out of the fucked-up mentality he’s grown up with

love damen and ancel as foils, in terms of pride. ancel takes pride in his willingness to get his hands dirty and perform submission for social clout, damen takes pride in his unwillingness to get his hands dirty (compromise his morals) and give his submission to those who don’t deserve it. but while damen's pride is held up by honor and integrity, ancel's is held up by his own degradation.

How had he ever achieved a court position, with skills this poor? Wasn’t he trying at all?

if you really think about it, damen was a nepo hire

Ancel felt the slave jerk, his cock hardening as the Prince settled himself on the bower seat alongside them.

well, damen, i guess someone noticed how you feel about laurent

i don’t even think laurent fully notices how down bad damen is for him at this point. i think laurent just believes damen is a depraved pervert ruled by his base urges who uses sex slaves and finds him hot just like everyone else and also KILLED HIS BROTHER

‘Like this?’ The wait was deliberate, to make the Prince say it. ‘Like that.’

5d three-way dirty talk happening here. it’s not four ways because berenger definitely has clocked out by now

‘Take it all the way down,’ said the Prince, and Ancel took it deep into his throat.

i like how laurent’s dialogue is slightly different between the two scenes, and damen doesn’t register some of it, and ancel doesn’t register some of it. cool way of writing the different perspectives and showing the things that are distracting both of them, causing them to think about things other than laurent’s words. ancel is mostly thinking about how he can do this in a way that gets him noticed and hired, while damen is mostly thinking about how absurdly turned on he is by laurent being insane

Ancel half expected the Prince’s hand on his head, pushing him down the last inch, but when he glanced up, neither of the men were paying him any attention, their eyes locked on one another.

sorry ancel, they gaze a lot. it’s kind of their thing

He came up without coughing or needing a breath, a cultivated skill that was often admired.

not by damen or laurent, at the moment

It didn’t matter that the Prince didn’t seem pay him any attention, or that he was only a conduit. The slave wasn’t even looking at him. It was what he wanted.

ancel when he lies

The two of them were locked together, Ancel utterly forgotten as he rose unsteadily to his feet.

god that sucks ancel but it’s also so fucking funny (as i said in the capri chapter 5 notes, i am not taking the dubcon as seriously as i could because the book doesn’t take it seriously in this scene. damen’s rage isn’t at the lack of consent, because this is actually pretty normal to him, and not seen as demeaning in his society for a slave to do. i think more than anything else he’s mad at himself for being into this, which means that he’s mad at laurent and ancel for making him confront the fact that he’s into this)

Courtiers crowded around with accolades, comments, and congratulations. ‘You really are the perfect pet,’ and ‘I’ve never seen anyone take it like that,’ and, ‘I’d pay a fortune for you.’

but it doesn’t matter, because they’re not berenger

Berenger had a hand on his shoulder and was staring into his face. Ancel lifted his chin. ‘Did he hurt you?’ The words were short.

😭 😭 😭 😭

‘I liked it,’ said Ancel. ‘I like sucking cock. I’m a pet.’

ancel when he continues to lie

Torveld, Prince of Patras

oh i hate that guy

It was the blond slave from the bower. The insipid, spineless creature who made you want to pinch his skin, or shake him to wake up. Like a useless doe in a forest. Expecting someone else to help him. With looks like that, the blond slave could have owned this court if he’d put any work into it. Instead he was trembling and helpless and waiting for a rescue that was never going to come. It was irritating.

yeah. if not for my distance from both of these worlds, and the fact that i can afford to be more empathetic and thoughtful than ancel, this is about where i’d land too re: akelion slaves. (if you read my previous annotations of the series, i probably don’t have to tell you that.) i just like how strongly and disdainfully this is written, while still within itself being flawed. like he’s right, but it’s a sad kind of right. it’s pointing out the problem but disinterested in a solution. but it isn’t ancel’s job to have a solution, it’s the narrative’s job. and we see that happen, in a very careful slow burn from damen’s pov, during the main series.

i can’t believe people think that this series is slavery apologism. 99% of the time, this series is DETERMINED to hold itself painfully and uncomfortably responsible for the problematic content it contains. and that 1% is different for every person who reads it, based on their personal tastes and values. and that’s good, because even our favorite fiction should be something we engage with critically, rather than passively accept.

‘A whole night with the Regent?’ Ancel twirled the stick. ‘Aren’t you jealous?’ ‘I’m not jealous,’ said Nicaise. ‘You’re old.’

‘Then the Regent will call you to attend him. Everyone will see you sitting with him. That’s what you want, isn’t it? The bids for your contract will go up.’

i’m going to try to remember why this is happening. i know it’s some elaborate and probably petty bullshit. i think it’s something like 1) laurent got his ethics called into question by the guy who killed his brother and then 2) decided to do what damen asked and help the akelion slaves because he knew it was the right thing even though he hated damen so bad, therefore 3) laurent needed to create circumstances that would cause torveld to “save” them from the regent without his (laurent's) direct intervention so 4) laurent antagonized nicaise into making a bet that his (laurent’s) plan to get torveld to take the slaves wouldn’t work and then loudly talked about that plan in front of nicaise, prompting 5) nicaise to arrange a sadistic performance of slaves for the regent so the sadistic regent would want to keep the slaves, therefore winning nicaise the bet against laurent 6) which laurent knew would literally backfire because the fire would frighten the slaves and then prompt to torveld take them out of sympathy and pity. yeah i think that's it

It made Ancel angry. This mewling creature who had been brought to court and lavished with every opportunity that Ancel had worked for, was doing nothing to advance his own career, even now. But in the next moment Prince Torveld was calling the slave over, and—rather than booting him out of the hall—was fussing over him, talking to him, stroking his tousled blond head. Ancel gaped. Prince Torveld was taking the slave into his household? For what? For being too weak to survive at court? The unfairness was terrible. If Ancel had wanly lain down and waited for a rescuer, he would have died in the street.

i really like this short story. i like ancel’s character, and what the story is trying to say. it fits very nicely with the overall series themes about weakness/strength, submission/domination, and free will. also intimacy and trust, although that’s almost by omission.

‘Tell me about your master,’ the Regent said. ‘Lord Berenger.’ ‘He’s boring,’ said Ancel. ‘Serious. Loyal.’ ‘Loyal to my nephew,’ said the Regent. He spoke pleasantly, tweaking Ancel’s hair as he did so. The sharp tug hurt.

WOAH THIS IS COOL. we hardly got to see any of the regent’s private contributions to the complicated vere court nonsense in captive prince (there was that scene where he talked to damen alone, but that might have been it?)

‘Loyal to the throne.’ Ancel’s heart had started beating faster.

i like how the regent equates his nephew with the throne. so different from how he talks to laurent in front of the council. clearly, out of earshot of anyone who actually matters politically, the regent is threatened by his nephew.

‘I’ve heard he’s met with my nephew, several times. What was discussed?’ ‘I couldn’t say. I wasn’t there for the meetings.’ He kept his tone light. ‘So there were meetings.’

berenger you’re so real for that

His mouth felt dry suddenly, and it was hard to swallow. He thought of Berenger in the hall somewhere behind him, wondered if Berenger was looking at him, thought he probably wasn’t. ‘No. I mean that I don’t know—I don’t know what meetings he’s taken.’

ancel can tell that berenger is in danger, and even though he thinks berenger wants nothing to do with him, he tries to protect him

‘Oh dear.’ The tone was disappointed. ‘I thought you were clever.’ The Regent shifted, forcing Ancel to reposition, awkwardly. He was motioning for one of the servants to approach, looking past Ancel as though he was done with him. ‘I am.’ Ancel’s heart was pounding. ‘You just haven’t asked the right question.’ ‘And what’s that,’ said the Regent. ‘If I’m loyal,’ said Ancel.

and here’s the temptation of ancel finally getting what he’s always said he wanted, he just has to throw berenger under the bus. he tries to avoid this by making berenger irrelevant and putting the attention on himself, but we know that the regent does not give a shit about ancel, politically or sexually.

Ancel watched him turn away, watched him enter the darkened part of the rooms that held his bed, beginning to unlace his own jacket. ‘I didn’t tell him anything.’ The words were a blurt, delivered to the back of Berenger’s shoulders. Berenger’s movement came to a halt.

i really like ancel.

‘About you and the Prince. That you’ve been meeting secretly each night. That you’re taking his side, that you’ve offered him funding and passage through Varenne, I didn’t tell him any of that, I thought that you—’

oh shit it’s that deep!!! fuck yeah berenger! wait does that mean that berenger had been loyal to laurent and thinking he was an admirable person for months/years only to see laurent in full sadistic kinky joker mode with a person who he doesn't know is laurent's brother's killer? do you think he was like "oh great, he's actually a freak too. fuck my life"

Berenger turned. Berenger was across the room, his hands on Ancel’s arms, gripping him tightly, his eyes boring into Ancel’s. ‘Stop it. You’re spoiling my clothes. I didn’t tell him. I told you. I didn’t tell him anything.’

oh, ancel immediately thinks he’s going to be punished and stripped of the nice things he’s been given. that’s so fucking sad :(

‘How do you know about any of that?’ ‘Just because I like nice things, and don’t read the boring books you like, doesn’t mean I’m stup—’ ‘This isn’t a game, Ancel.’

most! normal! man! in! this! series!

‘I’m trying to secure my future! I need to go somewhere. After you—after you end my contract.'

true, and explains some of the desperation ancel typically chooses not to acknowledge because of his pride

‘So that’s it. You want gifts?’ Berenger said, in a flat, deadly voice, ‘Are you trying to blackmail me for money?’ Ancel felt his mouth turn to sand. ‘No.’

ancel doesn’t want gifts! he wants a friend!!! i love this story, especially in this shitty world!!!!

‘I don’t want—I told you, I didn’t tell him anything. I wouldn’t. I was your pet, I thought we—I don’t want your money like that—’

going to be HUGE when ancel learns how healthy friendships and relationships work. people just do nice things for each other, and are loyal to each other, because they care and it’s what they want to do

‘You must hate me.’ ‘Hate you?’ said Berenger. ‘Why would I hate you? You’ve always been honest with me. You never tried to hide what you were.’ ‘A whore,’ said Ancel.

oh fuck.

really, really good choice of a word there. it’s easy to get caught up in the insane gimmicks of the veretian court, the slight dark humor to it, the way pets act like they’re playing the game willingly because this is a way for them to be treated well and showered with praise. but deep down, this system exists so they can be perceived as whores, belonging and submissive to people whose power rests on their degradation. and deep down, that’s how they feel about themselves.

goddamn, it is cool to see the worldbuilding expanded upon from this perspective.

‘So what if I am? I’m not ashamed of it. I’m good at it. I can make men want me.’ His voice felt raw. ‘It just doesn’t work on you.’

FREE WILL, POWER, AND TRUST THEMES DING DING DING

Berenger would be just one more owner, one more man from his past, one more name on a list. There was a hard pressure in his chest that he had to ignore. He would turn and walk away from it, he would move on to the next man, and the next. ‘It works on me,’ said Berenger.

okay, i like it being romantic, i think. because just like damen and laurent, their friendship and romance are deeply connected. and i’m glad that these two characters can find each other and be REAL in the midst of the fake nonsense

The words, in Berenger’s honest voice, at first didn’t make sense.

ancel can’t accept praise if he knows the person giving it is being honest, understands who he truly is, and expects nothing in return. girl same

‘You’ve never—’ ‘You never wanted me to.’ ‘Is that what you think?’ said Ancel. ‘Yes,’ said Berenger, steadily.

berenger clocked that ancel didn’t really want to be any of this long before ancel did, and has always respected that. i’m glad that he exists in this world.

‘If the Regent prevails, I won’t have money or lands. You should be with someone who can give you the luxuries you deserve, not someone who’ll embroil you in—’ ‘That’s why?’ said Ancel. ‘That’s why you decided to break my contract?’ He made sense of that much. And he clung to it. He wanted to ask, Does that mean you’re not giving me up because you don’t want me? He didn’t know how to ask that. He was usually so good at asking for what he wanted.

this is so fucking good. oh my god, this short story has been like a masterclass of creating a contained and intimate plot that develops a character individually and in relation to another character, while using the world around them to synthesize relevant and gratifying thematic development. it just comes together so perfectly, and simultaneously feels laser-focused and extremely wide in scope. SO good.

‘Can you honestly tell me that you’d want to stay with me if it meant risking your position?’ Berenger said. ‘If I had no money?’ ‘I’ve never fucked anyone without it being for money.’ The words came out differently than he’d intended. The painfully straightforward way that Berenger had asked him that question meant that Ancel had given an honest answer.

they’re matching each other’s freak, if "freak" means “honest person moving towards a healthier state of mind.” meanwhile, damen and laurent—

It was Berenger who spoke. ‘When I saw you in the ring, I thought you were incredible. You were fearless, powerful. You took on every lord in the room, and beat them. I couldn’t take my eyes off you.’

oh i go crazy for “i want to possess you because i am compelled by your unique and attractive qualities and i want to keep you by my side, not because i want to degrade and reduce you until you’re beneath me.” which is probably why i really like the captive prince series by cs pacat, but not like 80% of fiction with similar kink-related premises

‘I don’t care what might happen.’ He was moving forward, because Berenger wanted him.

oh.

those two sentences didn’t quite get me to tear up, but uhhhh they came pretty close

‘If he fails,’ said Ancel. He was stepping into Berenger’s space. He put his hand on the laces of Berenger’s jacket, and Berenger didn’t move away. ‘But if he wins?’

:’) the metatextual conversation this story has been having with the reader the entire time, tied in perfectly with the events at the forefront. really, really well done.

final notes:

not going to lie, i think i liked this short story more than 40-60% of king’s rising. damn.

honestly, i kind of hope ancel and berenger don’t end up together immediately. berenger is still 10 years older than ancel, and is like the first person in ancel’s life to show him respect. what rings truest to me is the idea of them being close friends and allies especially during the turbulent wartimes, and hooking up a few times and enjoying it, but a much more confident ancel eventually considering other partners and at least making more friends. either ancel doesn’t end up romantically with berenger because there’s someone even better suited for him romantically and sexually, or he decides that he truly does want berenger because even though there are other people who would love him for who he is, none of them are berenger. either way, they’re close friends the entire time and it’s very sweet. i like them a lot.

[skarkkk]

First,

Sparks.

I liked him at first, he seemed cute and really cool, his adoration for Athena (God knows she's amazing and deserves it), but then she said she was wary of him, and he never makes mistakes, so the feeling changed. And I understand wanting to feel powerful with a bad childhood, but he crossed the line. Even if his intentions weren't that, he crossed the line. He became unnecessarily aggressive with that woman, he shot her in front of her daughter and traumatized a child because he was hot-headed and because he wasn't prepared or made for the streets. I don't want and I don't care if he appears on screen again, but I think this statement is unnecessary.

Second,

Brad.

I said the first time he showed up that there was something strange, and then I started to like him, but he's a jerk? I don't know what's going on, but yes, that rudeness to the attendant and then not even an apology was completely unnecessary. Addendum, he really has something going on with Bobby and not just appreciation.

Third,

Maddie. Maddie and Chim. Maddie and Buck. All of them.

How careful they are this time and I imagine how Chim would be so much more alert compared to how he was when Jee was pregnant. And that this is sad but cute and that I want Jee as a big sister and all those family feelings. Since Buck knows his own sister and since the three of them (and Jee, obviously) are already a family like that, I loved their hug and I need Uncle Buck to be even more concerned.

Fourth,

Gerrard.

My god, he was so miserable in this episode and I loved it. "The first job I'm happy with" and how it's almost atonement. He's a giant fucking asshole and that's it, Brad is his karma, which he deserves. Him begging and hugging Bobby? And crying? My sadistic side loved it, but I don't want the focus on him, or this, or their feelings or the boss because that would bring more complications that would take up screen time for more important things.

Fifth,

Everything.

Eddie and Hen's cute banter with Buck at the station. Eddie's smile, and how I still haven't gotten used to him without his mustache. Buck as a cook and Jee being the best girl to him because he's such a girl dad and the best uncle. The really cool thing with the little thief guy there who looked like a hacker and how the beginning reminded me a lot of S.W.A.T (the one with Sherman Moore). Athena looking amazing arresting those goons and then running after the boss.

Sixth,

the romance.

Buck being attached and wanting to talk to Tommy is cute, that whole doubt thing and "should I talk to him?" and "he wanted to talk to me!?", but it passed. I don't know if Tommy's texting was something that will pass or if it's intentional for the next episode (I'm pretty sure it's not) but I'm afraid it won't go as far as I want it to. Buddie. As a fan, who has endured eight seasons, I'm not going to give up now, especially with such strong signs. "Maybe the universe will bring you someone special"/"It's like the universe is screaming at you and you don't hear it" and all the other episodes, hopes are higher than ever, but what if? It's the last season, I want them to work on Eddie's Catholic guilt, and the fact that they are like Michael and David. M/C meeting in the elevator, the look at each other and the smile reminds me of the elevator scene with Buck and Eddie "well, at least it's not a tsunami" because the look is the same. 911 is a great show, but with how unpredictable it is, with these conversations coming straight from ao3, I don't even know what to expect regarding Buddie. Will they accidentally get together and get married in Vegas? Will Chris be like "you didn't get with a woman because you already have Buck"? Because of Bobby? Because I feel like a lot could happen because of Maddie and Chim.

Seventh,

Hen and Athena.

Their scenes are always amazing, and how Hen always encourages her to follow her instincts and how best friends they are.

Eighth,

Not about this episode in particular, but where the hell is Ravi? Looking back, they bring in a half-baked Hollywood actor with a sort of Pavlov crush on Bobby and the problematic LAPD rookie, but not Ravi? Not the guy who appeared in the family scenes in the 118? Not after the whole Chim being sent to the academy to bring their boy home? Not about how he's already part of the family? About how he was accepted so much more quickly and naturally into the family compared to Jonah (and what a terrible ending) or, even saying, Lucy? I don't know why Anirudh didn't come back for this season, but I want him. For the love of god, he was at Maddie and Chim's wedding, THEY ARE FAMILY, in one analysis he is a younger brother to Chim, much more emotionally stable than the Han's or Buckley's and still, with a past involving cancer, and living in a hospital, and probably racial issues, and that headcanon I saw on tiktok of him switching shifts so as not to get so attached because he lived in the hospital and probably lost several friends to cancer. He was at the bachelor party, he was at the awards, he has the people, we want him back, so Ryan, where is he? Where is fireman Panikkar who certainly thinks Bobby is Buck's father (we ignore the existence of Margareth and Philipe)? Who must think Eddie and Buck have already divorced, and that he didn't know who Tommy is and that now he will be confused because how come Tommy has already left? And how come Eddie played Freddy Mercury? He totally would have dressed up as something scary in the Halloween episode, he definitely would have gone all out with the Billy Bubbles thing, he definitely passes along every bit of gossip to every shift about every shift because he's their King. So where's our King?

And why do I always fall in love with characters who get no screen time but angst?

Ninth,

I feel like ABC is doing something. We started with a plane (season 1/8), then we had the well (season 3), the man hanging from a rope on the ladder truck (season 6), and the preview for the next episode shows us car accidents (season 2/4) and the person drowning in the car that only reminds me of the tsunami - and now a little bit of Maddie's attempt (season 3/5). We're reliving important points for the characters, especially Buddie, and if we go in that order there's still a long way to go. There was a scene in this episode, on a street, that reminded me a lot of the one with the gunshot (season 4). If we go by that, we're missing 5, which I think would involve Maddie's pregnancy or Eddie's breakdown. If it's Eddie's, it also opens up for Buck discovering himself in 7 because Eddie has this whole Catholic thing, so discovering he's gay and freaking out is just like him. I don't know if it's intentional, but with 911 you never know.

[discordiansamba]

sang-hun is staring at him.

the man already looks like he's three seconds away from fainting. zuko doesn't know if it's because he just met the fire lord, or if it's because he met the avatar. it could even be because he'd met toph, because apparently she'd invented metalbending.

"lee??"

zuko knows he shouldn't respond to that name anymore. he still lifts his hand in greeting. it had been lu ten's idea to try and invite his husband to a nice breakfast with them. they kind of hadn't expected the avatar and his friends to crash it, but they'd been kind of clingy ever since his excursion as lee the other day.

...it was kind of like they were worried about him or something? weird.

"actually," lu ten says, "-that's my cousin zuko."

sang-hun just stares at him. "the other prince of the fire nation? you both got brainwashed?"

"it's a family thing," zuko says, "-apparently."

sang-hun groans, muttering to himself about how he'd let the prince of the fire nation served him tea. he'd invited the prince of the fire nation to his wedding. zuko didn't have it in him to point out that he'd married the crown prince of the fire nation. he probably knew already.

he was just glad things had worked out for lu ten. min-su and sang-hun had been head over heels for each other. it was obvious from the way his cousin looked at the man that he was just as in love with him. he ducked his head and smiled- and promptly got teased for it by sokka.

"quiet," zuko said dryly, "-or i'll... stab you with my fork or something."

"unbelievable," sokka said, "-fire nation violence in the earth kingdom palace? it's more like than you think."

his uncle invited sang-hun to sit with them and eat. sang-hun did so, almost in a daze. lu ten had definitely told him everything, but he guesses being told your husband is the crown prince of the fire nation and experiencing it are two different things. he should tell him he was a prince now too. it would be funny.

(technically he'd married min-su, an earth kingdom commoner. they'd probably have to get remarried in the fire nation to gain the official approval of the people. at least uncle would get to come to the wedding this time.

...at least zuko would get to come to the wedding this time. heh.)

lu ten is clean shaven again. he looks much better like that, zuko thinks. he's older than zuko remembers, but the same could be said for him. he tells them that he'd resigned from his job as a guard yesterday morning. he looks to uncle and tells him that he's woefully unemployed now. do you have any positions free, fire lord iroh?

"oh yes," iroh stroked his beard, "-let me think. how does crown prince of the fire nation sound?"

"hm," lu ten strokes his chin, "-well, it's not as good as my previous position, but i suppose i'll manage."

zuko tries and fails to not laugh.

(the avatar and his friends are looking at him, whispering in not-so hushed tones. zuko is laughing. should we be worried about that?

he glares at them and they all exhale in relief.)

the taste of the tea is familiar.

min-su frowns, and stares at his cup. he knows this flavor, but he's never been to this tea shop before. he never would have thought of coming to a tea shop in the upper ring if lee hadn't invited him. he'd been worried sick about the kid recently. he kept disappearing and reappearing- moving away suddenly, without warning.

he looks up at lee. something is... different about him.

it's just the short hair. or maybe it's the way he's stopped hiding his scar. it had churned his gut the first time he saw it. he'd wondered how anyone could do that to a kid- and he'd been relieved to learn later that it was just from an accident. he wasn't so sure why he'd been convinced someone had done it to him on purpose.

(he always expected lee to hate his father.)

min-su asks if he can meet the brewer. the tea is delicious he says. lee nods and leads him to the back. he's not smiling, for once. his expression is serious. it's not like him, min-su can't help but think. it's very much like him, he also thinks.

min-su stops dead in his tracks at the sight of the old man in the kitchen. he... knows this man from somewhere, some part of him thinks, even though they've never met. the man meets his eyes, and tears flow down his cheeks.

he calls him lu ten.

min-su feels cool hands pressed up against his skull- and then slowly, groggily, lu ten wakes up. it's like being dragged out of a frozen pond after being trapped in there for a long time. for a few moments, he doesn't remember how to move his body. then his father has thrown his arms around him and the spell breaks.

"father," lu ten says, "-what are you doing here?"

here is ba sing se. the siege failed. lu ten was captured. he was taken underneath a lake, and a different man using his body had walked back out. he called himself min-su, and found work as a guard. he was a good earth kingdom man, loyal to the earth king and the dai li. he fought for his country. he'd fallen in love with a metalworker and had married him. his favorite tea shop was a place called the lotus blossom...

...his favorite tea server was a young boy named lee.

lee. agni. zuko.

"father, zuko-"

"is fine," zuko says from behind him- then makes a face and wiggles his fingers, "-ish."

the waterbender just nods her head in solemn agreement. lu ten wonders if he's supposed to know her too. he's pretty sure she did something to heal his head. he looks at his cousin- and then extends an arm to him. zuko rolls his eyes in a very un-lee-like way, but he lets him drag them into the hug.

he'll find out a bit later exactly what happened to him. he'd been brainwashed. years later, his uncle and zuko come to the city as refugees- and zuko would help his sister take it down from the inside, only to be doublecrossed by her. zuko had been brainwashed too, but his was far worse than lu ten's had been.

the war was over. the fire nation had been defeated. his father now sat on the fire lord's throne, after having it taken from him by his uncle. he no longer wished for war- only peace. and lu ten, who had lived for seven years as a good earth kingdom man, could look back and see the futility and cruelness of it all.

...agni. how was he supposed to tell his husband this?

[coralsgrimes]

Benny Boy relieving his constipation live at The Masturbadour | part i

[gingermintpepper]

I was reading the Orphic Argonautica last night and the author has mentioned the various methods of divination Apollo knows and guess what? One of them is prophesying by studying the entrails of organisms. As soon as I read that I was reminded of your headcanon of Apollo being into hepatoscopy for divination and I giggled.

Awww 😳😳It's so nice of you to think of me!

Hehe, so fun fact, the overall practice of divination by studying the entrails of animals (including blood, lungs, intestines and so forth) is extispicy while hepatoscopy is specifically using the liver in prophecy and divination readings.

If, like magic in old text exactly like the sort Medea is described as using, the types of divination spoken about in the texts are reflections of the popular divination cultures of the time, I much rather prefer ascribing those to Apollo than I do some vague, somewhat mysterious power which he uses to see the will of the fates, especially since it's mentioned a few times that he'll teach his sons the language of the birds and how to read their signs and so on and so forth.

In short: HEPATOSCOPY APOLLO IS COOL!! HE'S SO NEAT!! Apollo at the altar who predicts the coming droughts and famines from the entrails of his flock!! It's just such a neat little image (to me)!

Also the Orphic Argonautica bangs, genuinely I hope you enjoy it! Orpheus is an insane man and I do not think him along with the collective subspecies of mythical man known as 'sons of Apollo' get enough credit for how truly unhinged they are at any given point in time.

[jrueships]

im going into my new work tomorrow, first time ever😐

[m00ngbin]

Actually I give up. If I fail I fail

Surely this won't feel like the ego equivalent of getting beat up with an aluminum baseball bat

[oh-meow-swirls]

how does the raft not capsize.

[oozeandgoo-art]

This is going to sound unexpectedly specific compared to my usual vague-as-fuck questions. Context being: I want money, I cannot commit to doing commissions at the moment and drawing is my only marketable skill.

If you were to buy a character "adopt" - premade design for your use, art by me and no rights retained except to like merchandising that original art - would it be a significant factor in either a positive or negative direction if the art were originally done digitally vs traditionally?

Likewise, if you were to buy a traditionally-drawn adopt, would the inclusion of the original paper-and-ink drawing be a significant benefit to you that you would consider paying more than just "base" price for?

Third, regardless of medium, would you want "scratch" papers where I did the brainstorming before the final concept was finished - this wouldn't be at any extra cost i just wonder.

Fourth, would you prefer a "flat" sale or an auction? (I like buying things at auction-style sales, and it means you might get a cheaper price than i'd normally list whatever it is for, but I am given to understand that my preferences vary from the norm pretty significantly lol) .

Fifth, would TF or at lesat mecha designs be more interesting than non-TF ones or would more general "can use this as any oc for anything" type characters be more appealing?

Ah - sixth and last, do regular ocs appeal more or less than kink/fetish-oriented ocs like "suspiciously wide-hipped lady who just so happens to have a mouth in her crotch" or stuff in that vein lol? I'm not sure I can stop myself from coming up with at least one erotic as fuck design because that's just how my brain works, but it's good to know if i should try and focus on that or leave it be and just focus on concepts that seem interesting enough to get a shape out of.

[sysig]

Everything day

[justinefrischmanngf]

it’s not that it makes me sad per se but i really could’ve been dating someone i did actually kind of really want to date since JULY. and now the moment is literally so far gone and i didn’t realise until the moment was so far gone !!!

[todayisafridaynight]

I may just be delirious but I kind of feel like there's something there about some of the most traumatic events in Arakawa's life arguably stemming from/being made worse by being loved too much.

Like, Toshio's death, right. The death of a parent is always always going to be traumatic, particularly when your other parent is abusive, but I feel like being there, being the first to the scene, made it so much worse. Especially when it should've been a good memory.

Non-zero chance I'm just projecting because I was there for my own father's death and I was around Arakawa's age at the time, but it's like... it did have very specific life-long effects, didn't it... the way he keeps coming back to Peking duck and talks about it like he's had it before when he can't even bring himself to eat it unless he's with family (and indeed, never did, up until right before he died)...

And then there's his former patriarch. Of course, he seemed to see Arakawa as more of an object--fully under his control and something to be thrown away at the first sign of autonomy. But I feel like, before then, Arakawa must've been his "favorite," if he was willing to arrange a marriage between his daughter and Arakawa. Which I expect is what made his reaction when Arakawa told him he was (technically) having an affair with Akane and wanted out of the family that extreme in going as far as to send men after Akane and Ichiban.

The last one I can immediately think of is not exactly traumatic for him, though it is traumatic For Me so I'm counting it, but it's of course what we were talking about with Jo hesitating so much at the thought of killing Arakawa that he passed up the chance to save him.

I Dunno I Am Delirious but... there's a pattern somewhere in there... Anyway. Uh. "Happy" Father's Day am I right

happy fathers day :]]]]